From the One in the middle

             
 My heart broke today in the round pen with my horse, Tiger.  Through a hard training session with her, God opened the eyes of my heart to a picture of pain-the pain that comes when we place our trust, faith and love of God on a fellow human....and that human abuses/misuses their place.  This is NOT about church or pastor bashing!
              Tiger is a beautiful 4 year old paint mare-probably a range mustang.  She was "rescued" off of a slaughter truck by a family who meant well but truly missed the mark with this horse's heart.  Since wshe was untouchable, they tied her feet to a stock panel so they could force the halter on her and begin her "training."  They used familiar round pen techniques to accomplish a "join-up" and then proceeded to mishandle her. 
              Today, as I round-penned Tiger, hoping for her to join me in the middle, I  watched a battle take place-a very familiar battle to me but one I saw in a new light.  At one time she'd chosen to join a person in the middle.  But as her belief that the person could be a good leader faded into the darkness of mistreatment, Tiger placed walls up.  Her would-be leader used all the right techniques to be her leader but then they destroyed her.  Here I was in the middle of the pen, performing those same techniques but she would NOT give this time.  She has no understanding my heart and plan for her was so different than theirs.
             Finally, as I sat down in the  middle seeing this reality, I also saw people whose hearts have been given to churches and pastors.  They've placed a trust in them that should be on God.  And so many churches and pastors do not have the wisdom and understanding to address this very well.  So whether from a bad heart or simply lacking spiritual maturity, they take the place of Tiger's old owners, using familiar, good techniques to cause a join-up...but to a human, not to God.
             These poeple come away broken and have built walls.  Then when God comes close and begins to beckon us into the middle with Him, we throw up our walls, willing to run ourselves in circles, even to death. 
              Tiger needs to understand the plans I have for her...when she begins to understand them, she will choose to join me. Then, she will begin to learn WHO I am--that I AM the good, and capable leader she desires.
              In my pain, I've run circles, resisting a join-up with God, even to sickness.  God began giving me a vision of His plans for me-a destiny.  Slowly, my walls came down and my head turns toward the middle and my pace slows.  A dialog begins and I head for the middle, only to have a tumbleweed roll by, scaring me back to the rail.  But still He's beckoning, knowing, as I know with Tiger, that if I'd just rest in the middle and choose a join-up with Him, I'd learn who He is, and He's good.