My life has gone from busy but with margin as I spend much time with the horses, to quite packed...leaving home before 7 am and not returning until after 7 pm each day.
I've entered a new round pen in my life...this one is one where I'm being stretched and learning to move and "dance" in ways I never have and some days don't think I'm capable of. In taking on an administration position in an office, I am facing having to learn to dance with people, which for me is SO much harder than with horse.
Coming from work last week into the field with one of my horse clients, I still was reeling form challenges in the office. Most importantly the freak out feelings I get when things get changed on me. Once I learn a routine, I want to keep it and don't do well with it being changed.
Confusion arose as this horse, the one I've bonded and learned to communicate so well with, acted like a fool. She was anxious, wanted nothing to do with me, and all in all was very unhappy. As I looked at her eyes, a revelation hit me. Last session with her, I'd mixed things up...added some new techniques. This girl was just like me...not taking to the change in routine very well. It freaked her out as she didn't know what to expect. So I step back, take a breath and proceed to take her into our well-known routine. Soon she is relaxed and moving with me in our dance. There is so much more that our dance can contain, but because it freaks her out to change, it may take a while. This girl cannot see beyond what she's found safety in...that is her routine. Even though I KNOW if we change somethings up, our dance will become even more fufilling and move us on to the next step, she can not.
The Israelites were much the same...their routine was their safety. The inability to see or even trust in the Lord that there was MORE to their dance in the desert, was so much of what kept them going around the mountain...God knew the dance in the promised land that He so desired to bring them into...but He had to patiently send them around that mountain again.
A lifelong dance has been promised to me...and frustration arises so often at the lack of depth the steps I take hold. But each time my Dad in heaven introduces a new routine, just like the horse, I freak out. And so we return to the slow beginner steps.
Faith in my Lord must grow. Just like my horses trust in me must. A faith that is not in what is seen and felt but in what is unseen and promised. To touch the hem of His garment and KNOW I am healed and loved...nothing else matters.
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