The last two days I was able to spend in a Horse Camp working with a client's horse on the mountain trails. This horse had made SOOOO much progress at home in the arena and going out with just him and me on the trail. So his crazy behavior really challenged my understanding of how to work with him. I couldn't understand what had happened...I thought he had come to truly trust me. As I worked with him in the peace and beauty of the mountain trails, I felt God tugging at my heart in that familiar way and I knew He was trying to show me something. I could see it, but it took friends and family sharing and verbalizing truth from God tonight in church for me to be able to truly get what He was showing me. I wanted to share, but please know that this isn't from me. This is from God through special people and a special horse in a special place in the mountains.
Brio, the lovable, beautiful palomino Tennessee Walker gelding, LOVES to run. You could say he is passionate about running...feeling the wind in his face and the power in his legs as he eats up the ground. When I took him out on this mountain trail the first time with other horses, he lost his mind. He saw space and other horses to race and show off to. He connected with his wild inner self. I saw this, but I also recognized that this passion to run, left undisciplined would lead to injury or worse. Brio had no idea what cliffs were around. And so we began our journey...Him defiantly insisting on running and my telling him it was not okay since he was not listening and being wise in his running. We battled the first night so hard with little resolution. The next day I let him out front, ahead of the group. I wanted him to know I understood his love for running and I wasn't trying to shut him down. Being in the lead also gave him a responsibility. In a horse herd, the leader often is the one responsible for seeing danger first and leading the rest of the group through the paths safely.
On this second ride, Brio settled a bit and started taking a responsibility for his feet. I would discipline his running when not asked with sharp cues OR when he chose to fly up a steep hill, I let him, until he recognized what I already knew, and we were sliding on the slippery pine needles and falling. I then jumped off and led him back to the safety of the path. In my confusion about his behavior and why he seemed to have lost all trust in me that I'd worked so hard to develop for two months, I was hesitant to discipline but I knew safety was involved and that if he did not recognize that I could see the bigger picture, his passion running wild could lead to serious injury or worse for him and/or myself. So I continued my discipline, being consistent and fair but quite firm. His settling both bothered me and helped me breathe easier. It bothered me because I knew his passion and I knew I didn't want him giving up who he was, I just wanted him to be wise in it as much as a horse can be.
That night I went out again. This time, with him allowing me to guide him more, I tapped into that wild passion of his. In a lot of ways it went with mine. I love to run wild on a horse and feel the wind in my face and the power under me. And so I let him go. This time he was listening as we ran and I guided him off the trail to a fallen log. Confidently, he soared over it. As he had learned to accept the discipline, and through it discipline himself, he was able to enter into his passion in a glorious jump that I believe truly made that horse feel whole. He finally had had a human recognize his passion, and help him tap into that identity and heart he was born with. But to get there, I KNOW he entered a place where he wondered why once again he was being told he couldn't run. And he hated it. Maybe even hated me.
I was born with a passion. As a very young girl I often would rush headlong into passionate things that would get me into trouble. From that time, I've received a message that passion was bad...that the things that excited me inside that made NO sense to most people, had to be hidden and eradicated. God has revealed something though....He placed our passions inside us and He KNOWS them even better than we do. But just like I recognized that Brio's passion, un-refined, would lead to destruction of life, God knows that as humans with limited "vision" our passions will also lead to destruction. But as my joy welled up as we soared over that jump, knowing Brio was operating in the glory he was created for, God's greatest joy is when we can accept the direction and discipline to enter into that glorious identity and passion He created us for. In His GREAT, UNFATHOMABLE love for me, He corrects me, sometimes painfully. Other times He lets me fly up a treacherous mountain and begin to slip and fall, before He takes the lead and helps me get back to the perfect path of His will. Either way, often when He disciplines me, I am frustrated and angry. I once again feel like I must "disappear." In reality, the core of who I am is EXACTLY where God wants me. The passions He's placed inside of me are GOOD. But it takes a perfect Father to teach me how to operate in those passions for LIFE.
One passion of mine has always been a love for people. But in the wild, unbridled operation of this passion, I've hurt many people. This has never been intentional just like Brio never meant to get hurt or even to hurt me. But in my limited perspective of love, I've actually brought destruction into some lives. As Brio had to learn to turn his ear to me before breaking into that passionate run, I must be willing to turn to the Holy Spirit and LISTEN before blindly following my passion.
God WANTS to soar with us over those logs and into a freedom of identity.
